February 19, 2006

Claus Rejects Subpoena

WASHINGTON - Nicholas Claus, more commonly known as Santa Claus, rejected the U.S. Justice Department's subpoena of Claus' Naughty and Nice List, arguing that it violates the spirit of Christmas. Claus made a similar argument last week to the Department of Homeland Security's demand for the list.

"Access to the Naughty and Nice List is essential to protect the nation from terrorist groups and others who threaten us. The list contains the names of individuals that need to be brought to justice," a Homeland Security spokesperson said.

Analysts believe that the U.S. would not stop there if they gain access to the Naughty and Nice List.

"Why stop at the Naughty and Nice List? I believe the government will then proceed to demand access to Nicholas Claus' surveillance system. This is the system that produces the list. It is capable of monitoring the activities and sleeping patterns of millions of people around the world. It would be a treasure trove of information for them," speculates analyst John Smith.
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